My first awakening moment. This was it.
Leading up to this was my food addiction experience. It may make more sense if you read that post first. Here is an excerpt to help you understand where I was spiritually leading up to this:
In the beginning of 2017, I started feeling like I needed to step it up spiritually. I would set goals and not do them. Sometimes I would listen to a talk or podcast in the morning while I was up in [my son’s] room nursing him first thing in the morning but for the most part I was pretty apathetic. I basically stopped saying my prayers. If I did say them it was just a quick little repetitive prayer. I felt like something was lacking and I knew I was living beneath my privileges. I felt empty in a lot of ways and guilty that I was not doing what I knew I was capable of. I was making excuses for my lack of motivation and action.
...I went home to visit my parents in the middle of April after Easter. I was there for almost 2 weeks. I hoped this would be a chance to start fresh and get inspired and actually follow through on some of my spiritual goals. Around that time my mom introduced me to a man (retired CES instructor) who taught gospel topics via podcasts. His name is *Mike Stroud. I listened to them every once in awhile.
*You may have heard of him. His podcast channel was "Religion Classes". Brother Stroud is a great teacher and helped me to see some of the mysteries of God in the scriptures.
On to my experience....
Once I arrived home again (from my parents' house), I began listening to the podcasts more regularly. One morning, (May 1, 2017) I was listening and Brother Stroud started to describe the second comforter experience. In a nutshell, this is the opportunity that we all have to see the Savior in the flesh, in other words, before we die. This idea wasn’t new to me but for some reason as I listened, I felt a fire burn in my chest. It was a feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time. I recognized this longing to change and have a relationship with God again. Once I felt this, I immediately paused the podcast and knelt to pray. I prayed for 20-30 minutes. The words and the tears flowed. I asked for forgiveness and I shared with my Heavenly Father my desires. I felt like I had been born again (in a sense). I could tell this was the beginning of a new phase of the journey for me. I felt filled with light and hope. I had faith and confidence that I could accomplish anything with God. I felt His love for me and had a feeling that He had been waiting for me to have an experience just like this one. He was waiting for me to turn to Him.
After this, everything changed for me. I had a strong desire to learn more and study the scriptures. I desired to FEAST on the words of Christ. My apathy was gone. I was receiving revelation again and had so much peace. I felt that I was being guided to know what to study. I was being inspired to pray for more specific things and my prayers became much more bold and faithful. I felt as if I was seeing some things for the first time. It has been amazing.
One day (one month from the day I had my first experience described above) I felt prompted to dedicate our little home. So the next morning I woke up early and looked up on the church website how to dedicate a home. I wrote down the wording: “Church members may dedicate their homes as sacred edifices where the Holy Spirit can reside, where family members can worship, find safety from the world, grow spiritually and prepare for eternal family relationships.” I studied each word of this and looked up the definition for each word: sacred, edifice, reside, worship, safety, grow, spiritually, prepare, eternal. This was my spiritual preparation.
Here is what I wrote in my journal after this experience:
May 30, 2017
...So I lit a candle and brought it to the middle of the family room where I knelt as the sun was rising. I gave the dedication prayer for our little home at [address]. The spirit was so strong. I felt it grow and grow as I prayed. It guided my thoughts and words and filled me with warmth and light. It was a truly beautiful experience and one of the most memorable of my life thus far. I felt full of desire and intent-a willingness to sacrifice and a vision of holiness-a determination to be obedient, grateful and of service. I need to be taught, tutored and guided. It was a sacred experience.
I feel as if this last month and a half, I have grown so much in light and knowledge. I have felt so happy and have been filled with so much hope.