Let Go and Let God.

When the pain feels heavy, the expectations dashed and exhaustion fills my limbs with led I can't help but think...I need more. I need more time. I need more books. I need more freedom. I need time to work through this hard moment. In that thought I feel more heaviness. I will never have enough time or grace to heal this wound...to understand where to place this hard thing.

What if I just let it go? What if I don't figure it out? What if I just simply hand it over to Him and trust? In my feeling of needing more I close my hands and grasp onto the pain I feel. I tighten my fists and hold this burden until I can "find the time" to sit and work it out.

But what if I could just recognize that it is too much for me and open my palms. What if I could just lay it on the altar now without waiting another moment. Then what would this pain look like?

I take a deep breath in. I close my eyes. I breathe out. I imagine myself with this wound and misunderstanding as matter in my hands. I know I am the one who needs to change. I know it is I who needs to let this go. That is always the cure.

Part of me still clings to the bitterness I could hoard for ages...speaking to so many people about the injustice I have felt exclaiming "Don't you think that is ridiculous?" But that lifts and edifies no one. I am not justified. It's still in my hands. Am I ready to release the tension of each finger squeezing these self-righteous thoughts claiming them as the best way to be and live?

I didn't realize how judgmental I was or am. "My way is the right way. How could anyone disagree?" Yet the Spirit whispers that that is not what this is really about. It is about unconditional love. It is about agency. It is about honoring the choices and wishes of others.

I don't need to "figure it out". It is a release of control. A release of bitterness. A release of trying to manipulate someone or feel something about another person's choices. Doesn't that sound so exhausting...and unnecessary. My husband often says, "Control your control-ables". I like that.

I want to feel great about this person's choices but I don't have to do that either. I don't have to understand their thoughts. I just have to choose to love them and let the rest of this go. That is when it becomes so simple. I don't need more time. I don't need more books. I have everything I need right now.

Now I imagine my confusion and burden as a balloon waiting to be freed from my grip. It bounces above me almost saying without words that there is no purpose in me holding on any longer.

Will it come back? I fear. If I let go, will I have to deal with this pain and frustration again later? Can I fully forgive and let go now? My desire to let go is increasing. My hand gets sweaty and uncomfortable holding this string.

Don't we have to suffer and fight to let something go? Or can I simply open each finger and let it drift away. When the opportunity comes to respond to this situation again, I can simply choose to love. I have already let the rest of it go.

I imagine the Savior's face as He stands by my side. I look pleadingly into his eyes with so many questions about what will be required of me now. He nods and smiles. I can let those go too. I take another deep breath. He reaches out His hand. To grasp it I must let go of the balloon. Focusing on His promises of peace and joy I open my fingers and grasp His hand. Without focusing on the pain but the relief we both watch as it floats up. Smaller and smaller and gone. It was gradual yet instant.

Why do I overcomplicate it so much? I ask. His peace calms my still questioning heart. Peace, be still. There is no room for shame here. He fills the space with Grace and Love which casteth out all fear.

Let go and let God.

#Letgo #LetGod #visualize #unconditionallove #freedom #healing #TrustinGod #choosetobelieve #choosetolove #weaknesses #pride #judgmental