Sometimes being aware is tough.
I am feeling low spiritually and I am aware that Satan is probably really working on me right now. Yet, I still feel weak. I know that the cure is to turn to my Savior yet somehow I feel like I have forgotten how to do this. Or...so many other things come up to distract me from that sacred one-on-one time with Him. Everything seems more urgent when you just need a healing and sincere prayer with some time to meditate.
2 Nephi 32:8
And now, my beloved brethren, I perceive that ye ponder still in your hearts; and it grieveth me that I must speak concerning this thing. For if ye would hearken unto the Spirit which teacheth a man to pray, ye would know that ye must pray; for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray.
In C.S. Lewis' book "Screwtape Letters" one of the more experienced devils counsels a younger amateur devil about keeping people distracted and focused on things of this world as a tactic to keep people from God. I often think about that. Their strategies are not always obvious to us. It can be to sleep in just a little longer (leaving no time for morning time with Father)..."after all I did get to bed late." It can be to just finish these dishes or loads of laundry and then I'll get to family scripture study. Or praying about this is going to take me a while. I'll do it this afternoon when I have more time....
I came across this quote and it was so enlightening to me:
"Sometimes, it takes more faith to tell God we don’t know how to pray—rather than praying for faith to pray like we used to."
After writing the above section about my recent struggles and reading this article which reminded me that "prayer begets prayer" I knelt down to openly express my thoughts and feelings to God...out loud. I first prayed for a shield of protection from the adversary so I could pray in private without worrying about diabolical listening ears.
Prayer: It was just what I needed. I told God that I felt stuck and was being hard on myself because of the growing gap between what I know and what I am doing every day. I said I didn't know what to ask for when suddenly the word forgiveness came into my mind. That is what I need. So I began a spirit-led process of repentance asking for angels to surround me and lift me.
I also pleaded for guidance. The next thing that came to my mind was a humorous teaching moment by God to me.
A Daniel Tiger song:
When you're feeling frustrated, take a step back and ask for help.
Go to: 1:11 for the song.
I have been singing this song to my 3.5 year old who gets frustrated often. She has started to self-direct using it.
I have been frustrated a lot lately too and in those moments I don't want to pray.
But this was the amusing inspiration from heaven. The message: Ask Me for help. When you are feeling frustrated or overwhelmed, drop to your knees and pray: in the kitchen, in the bathroom, in your children's rooms. You don't need to make it a secret that you need My help. This will help you and teach your children about where to turn for help.
Then another song came to my mind:
Lean on me, when you're not strong And I'll be your friend I'll help you carry on For it won't be long 'Til I'm gonna need Somebody to lean on
Please swallow your pride If I have things you need to borrow For no one can fill those of your needs That you won't let show
You just call on me brother, when you need a hand We all need somebody to lean on I just might have a problem that you'll understand We all need somebody to lean on
I literally sang this out loud in my room (just the parts I could remember) as I knelt next to my bed. Haha.
Jesus knows when we need a good laugh and some encouragement. He is the perfect Comforter and tutor. He knows our needs perfectly. We must trust Him. I felt this so profoundly in this moment.
I realized that I wasn't relying on the atonement or on my Savior when I needed Him most. I was beating myself up for not being able to do things the right way..without Him.
Satan wants us to feel lost and confused. He revels in our discouragement and despair. This is why he must keep us from prayer. It is where the hope, peace and tutoring lies.
Ezra Taft Benson said this about prayer:
“We should pray frequently. We should be alone with our Heavenly Father at least two or three times each day—‘morning, mid-day, and evening,’ as the scripture indicates. (Alma 34:21.) In addition, we are told to pray always. (See 2 Ne. 32:9; D&C 88:126.) This means that our hearts should be full, drawn out in prayer unto our Heavenly Father continually. (See Alma 34:27.)” (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Ezra Taft Benson [2014], 52).
Prayer begets prayer. So get back on your knees and open your mouth. Even if all you have to say is that you don't know what to say. He will take you any way you come to Him and lead you along.
One last quote:
[George MacDonald] wrote a book called Unspoken Sermons. In that lively and profoundly beautiful book he teaches something about how we can boldly come to the throne of Christ:
“How the earthly father would love a child who would creep into his room with an angry, troubled face, and sit down at his feet, saying when asked what he wanted: 'I feel so naughty, papa, and I want to get good' Would he say to his child: 'How dare you! Go away, and be good, and then come to me'? And shall we dare to think God would send us away if we came thus, and would not be pleased that we came, even if we were angry as Jonah? Would we not let all the tenderness of our nature How forth upon such a child?"